Empty Smiles

Time has such a strange effect on us all.
A year ago, I had resigned myself to living half a life....
Not quite content, but not miserable... Just unhappy.

I saw no hope for the future.
Nothing to look forward to, other than being alive...
Measuring my existence in seconds...

Twelve years ago, I realized something raw and powerful and honest..
That sometimes, the best you have...is not enough to make someone else stay.

Almost a year ago, something set me free... and set my mind free. I'm trying so hard now, to appreciate that... to hold on dearly to those I am gifted with... to let go of those who made my life so beautiful and dazzling...

I used to believe in love... in the power of that love...but love does not seem to like me much... stupid love.

I'm so lucky to have had the strength and bravado...false as though it may be at times... to pick myself up off the floor and recharge my world. Maybe someday, someone will look at me and see someone truly worthwhile. Instead of an empty smile in a shiny new world.

* I should create emotionally crippling hallmark cards...eh...
someone please tell me there is such a thing as happy endings...